I'm Tongue-tied and Terrified

I knew someone once. 
I called them my best friend. For a while it was true, …unfortunately we slowly started to fall apart. I can start from the beginning.
When we met, they were shy, sensitive, not confident, but there was a spark. I had never met someone who had so much hidden fire. It started with just talking, I got to know parts of them that no one else could see. They had so many walls built up and I broke them down one by one, I just wanted to know what made them so unique.  I learned to love the person they were. They were someone who was passionate, intellectual, incredibly funny, but there was still something that I never could understand. The mystery is what kept me interested. As time went on we grew closer and I had trusted them with everything and anything. 
Then high school came..
I was so excited to be starting high school. So many new faces and things to do, but I was more excited to finally go to school with my best friend. I was ready to go run and hug them from a long summer of only seeing them once. I remember being so happy to being able to see them. When I finally saw them and casually walked over to say hello and ask how their summer was. I had made my way over to them and when they saw me, they walked away.. I was so confused, why would my best friend do this to me? I didn’t know anyone at school except for them. That happiness I had been feeling five minutes prior, had plummeted down to a feeling to which I can’t describe. About a week later they started to talk to me and talked as if nothing had happened. I ignored it at first because I figured that they had just a lot of catching up to do with their other friends. 
As the year went on.
Secretly I had started to crush on them, but I would never ruin the friendship we had built over a silly crush. I also knew that they still weren’t over their previous relationship. They were COMPLETELY oblivious to the fact I had liked them which was perfectly fine by me. I just wanted to be the best friend possible, anything they wanted I would try my hardest to make sure it happened. 
Homecoming.
We both didn’t have dates, so I figured it would be perfect to make a move. I said “maybe we should go together” and they said “going with a date is pointless, but I’ll save a few dances for you”. I was eagerly awaiting what I thought would be a fairytale dance. I had fixed my hair and make-up and tried to look perfect for them. When I arrived I was just dancing with a few friends when out of the corner of my eye I had saw them. They made their way over to me and we started dancing. We danced together all night, we only didn’t dance two songs together. It’s funny how four minutes could change everything. They were dancing with someone while I went to go tell my “friend” that tonight was the night we were going to kiss. I was fixing my make-up to make sure the moment was perfect. I had made my way back to the dance floor and when I found them, my friend was all over them. Full on making out in the middle of the floor, hands through the hair, movie moment and I just walked away. There had been other people in our lives before so this shouldn’t of been any different right? But I had never seen them kiss someone until that night. So many emotions had run through my veins at that very moment. All I could think was, “how could my friend do this”, “why would he choose her”, “what should I do now”. And it was at that time where I realized I wanted them.
The school year was now half way over.
Ever since homecoming we had started hanging out more and talking some more and my feelings had grew. Valentine’s day had came around and just like homecoming we were dateless. This time was different though. We went to hang out that night with a few friends where we all use to hang out. That February day was especially cold that night and I was shivering. They had looked at me and I already had one of their jackets on and so they put their arm around me. We were both shaking but I was so shocked that I was in their arms. It was the first night I thought maybe this could work. Now I’ll take you to the time of mid April. We were back in the same place we were on Valentine’s day. This time we were holding hands and laughing and having an amazing day. It was time to go and he had kissed me. It was quick, but it happened. I hadn’t been happier in my life. My birthday came the next week after that and we had an over night school function we were attending and we decided to sit on the bus together. We hung out at the mall with our friends and we laughed so much that day. We were on our way to the hotels which were about three hours away and I was so tired on the bus so I started to fall asleep. They offered their shoulder for me to lay out and I gladly took it. I was just minutes away from being asleep when they had kissed my head. I looked up at them and they proceeded to kissing me. It was perfect. That weekend was perfect.
Summer time. 
We had secretly been seeing each other on weekends more as just friends with benefits. They still didn’t know I liked them. I was offered a once in a life time chance to go to ________ and I was so excited to go. The only thing was I wasn’t coming home until two weeks before school started. We weren’t technically anything but I still didn’t want to leave them. While I was there we would text everyday. One day my sister had texted me saying she got her first boyfriend and I was a bit upset because I had never had one. I was talking to them about that when I was thrown off guard with a reply that said, “wanna go out”. I sat there for about five minutes and thought about how I have waited for so long to hear that but I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. I decided to take the risk and I simply sent back, “yes”. They turned out to be joking and thought I was too and then it hit them that I was serious. I tried to take it back but I couldn’t. Then it sank in and they started to like the idea of that. We had talked for about twenty minutes about it and we were so close to making it official. I asked them, “so is this for real”, I was jumping from happiness. Time seemed like it was going so slow for the reply. Four minutes had gone by and EVERYTHING had changed.. again. They were saying things like I have no idea what I’m talking about, I don’t like you and I can’t do this. My heart had caved in so far I couldn’t breathe. Four days passed without saying a single word to me and when I finally called and asked what’s going on this is what they said, “I was just lonely, the feelings were fake, sorry”. Sorry. Sorry was what I got. Sorry wasn’t going to fix anything. My summer was ruined.
High school year two. 
I had come back to school and for the second year in a row, they acted like they didn’t know me. A week later everything was normal. It was oddly normal like they didn’t remember what had happened. I was so miserable all summer though because I had missed them I decided to go along with it. But after a few weeks things were just getting too hard because I was now being ignored by them. I was so confused, I hadn’t done anything I know of to be treated in such a manner. I decided to switch schools. What’s even sadder is that they didn’t realize I left for about two weeks. When they found out they acted as if I was obligated to tell them and I saw no reason in doing so. They began to change back into the sweet person I use to know and we started talking again. I knew it was stupid, but I didn’t care, I just wanted them back. We secretly were together but this time it was more serious. We didn’t have other people (Well I know I didn’t). He told me he didn’t want our friends getting involved so he didn’t want anyone to know. That should of been a hint to pack up and just run as far as I could but I was so stupidly “in love” that I agreed. 
Through that school year.
We would go see each other every other weekend, but that eventually turned into like once a month and slowly it turned into maybe every couple months. I was still completely head over heals. I don’t even know why. I was being treated so poorly, they weren’t even that cute, and it was so unhealthy. It had took a complete 180 turn from when I met them to this point. They were no longer shy nor sweet or even caring. I wasn’t as happy and free spirited as I once was. They turned into a bitter, cold, mean person. But I could not bring myself to see the person they had become. I was focused on who I knew they could be, who I knew they were deep inside them self. I was so blinded by what I could never have that I couldn’t hear my friends telling me to stop, to just let go, to move on. It was too hard to do. Things had started to brighten up though around December. They were talking more about us and how they wanted to be together for real now. I knew waiting would be worth it. The night came one night while we were in the middle of a conversation and suddenly my world had stopped when I got a message saying, “I think I’m in love with you”. NOT I love you, NOT I really really love you. IN LOVE. There’s a big difference. They had admitted that and I was so incredibly happy. I couldn’t imagine anything better. 
Beginning of a New Year. 
January came and went with no problems, we still hadn’t told any one though. But honestly, everyone had suspected it since the moment I was seen with them. February was a little shaky just because I wanted to be official before Valentine’s day but as it turns out we didn’t, big surprise there.
The last month. 
Things had been going so well, we talked every day and I was convinced that we were meant to be. I had waited all of March for them to ask me out. They said they would. It was the final week of March, they hadn’t texted me all day. I wasn’t too worried because we were fine the night before, no fighting, just our usual I love you fight before bed. That night I had sent them a message saying, “Hey, what’s up?” and as I waited for the response I just wondered what had happened today and hoped everything was alright. My phone buzzed and I looked at it and it read, “I can’t do this anymore, we are done”. I called immediately crying asking what they meant and in that icy tone, distant minded voice they just said, “I never liked you I guess”. That’s where it all ended. I had felt to betrayed. So lost. So hurt. I had sacrificed EVERYTHING I could for them. My friends, my school, other relationships that I could of said yes to, and my love. I had COMPLETELY given up. 
That summer. 
I was home this summer. No big trips. I had still been hurt over the last few months and I did not believe in any sort of love. I had met this new person, they wanted my number. I didn’t want to give my number to a random stranger. I made them come talk to me for a few days first and surely enough they did. I gave it over and we talked non stop. I had told them what had happened and they couldn’t believe it. What I didn’t know he how much they cared for me already. I told them I never wanted another relationship in high school. Turns out they had started crushing on me. Ha, me? Of all the people, me? I was so broken. He wanted to show me love was real and unconditional and that I was beautiful. They had asked me out a few times but I declined. Finally I decided that I couldn’t wait any longer and they were persistent and I said yes. On July 17th 2011 I said yes to my best friend.
Now. 
They are now still my loving boyfriend. We are completely happy. He has shown me REAL love. Not artificial self revolving love. My story isn’t to just simply tell a story with a happy ending, it’s to show everyone no matter how broken, how hurt, how unbeautiful you think you are, SOMEONE loves you. They will love you for all your baggage, flaws, and dislikes because they know your beauty, love, and passion shows utter perfection in their eyes. Never let one person bring you down because you never know what door you could be opening. 
I knew someone once and they changed how I see people and the world.


*The person recently actually apologized for what they had done to me, because it had happened to them afterwards and they couldn’t believe the feelings it had caused and how hurt someone truly can be. I could of either dropped to their level leaving them without someone to lean on when they were hurt and let them figure it out them self and not forgive them or be there for them when they needed it most. Everyone should learn to forgive. Life is too short to waste a single moment upset.